Tests - Failure and Faith

Beads of sweat formed on my forehead, clammy hands fiddled with my mechanical pencil, and my stomach churned with anxiety as I awaited my final exam in Calculus II at Cabrillo College. This was a big exam. It was my second attempt at the class, and this time around I was again on the bubble of failure. It was a required foundational course for a Computer Science degree. Not only that, but my scholarship was on the line, and if I failed this class I would lose thousands of dollars. Tests…Pressure…Failure. As soon as the professor called for all the exams I knew I failed the test and the class.

In my study in Judges, I find a description and commentary of the Israelites struggle with neighbor nations and invading armies…a “test”.

So the LORD burned with anger against Israel. He said, “Because these people have violated my covenant, which I made with their ancestors, and have ignored my commands, 21 I will no longer drive out the nations that Joshua left unconquered when he died. 22 I did this to test Israel—to see whether or not they would follow the ways of the LORD as their ancestors did.” – Judges 2:20-22 (NLT)

Tests are uncomfortable at any level: in the classroom, in friendships, in marriage, in the work place, and in life. One of the definitions of a test is “an often difficult situation or event that will provide information about somebody or something” – Encarta Dictionary. In any relationship there are those “test” moments that will reveal the level of commitment, faithfulness, and love. In life we walk through “test” thickets with thorns and briars, which will either strengthen our faith or leave us painfully discouraged. In God’s judgment upon the Israelites in their disobedience, he allowed the negative consequences, the “test”, of neighboring nations to reveal their faithfulness to the Lord.

Being full of faith means we can see beyond the “tests”, trials, obstacles, and difficult events, know that God is sovereign over all, and uses them to shape, strengthen, and train us for future battles. As we trust in God through “tests” we lean on Him more, experience His presence on a deeper level, and witness His loving hand provide, protect and lead us through difficult days.

As the story of the Judges unfold, God in his longsuffering and mercy raised up deliverers, Judges, to help them in their test. At times the Israelites passed with flying colors in faithfulness to the Lord, and at other times they failed miserably, but God was always faithful. After my semester failing Calculus II, I felt despondent. I was unsure of my ability to complete my degree, how I would continue to pay for college, and what new direction for a course of study I was to pursue. Even in my failure, after a long spring and summer, God gave me a new direction, a way to continue to pay for college, and the confidence to complete my degree and beyond. Without going through that “test”, and failing, I may have never pursued education and ministry and would not be where God has me today. That Calculus II final exam revealed something about me, a lack of Calculus skills, but also an ability to persevere. It also affirmed that God is always faithful and I have a greater faith today because of that Calculus II test 25 years ago.